Vampires are my Puppets
by BBeyond L
Summary: Rated T just in case. Yuuki X Zero FELLOW READERS AND AUTHORS: YES, I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED ANYTHING IN A VERY LONG TIME. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I am current;y working on Ch.5! It's coming soon! :
1. Who's Bob?

**A/n: Yes I know I should be working on my other fanfic but, I got tired of just one. So, I made another one! This fanfic is special. To make it even better, you and me get to write the story. Lets say you want Yuuki to slap Kaname all you have to do is post a comment saying " I want Yuuki to slap Kaname." Simple. Please keep it PG13 people.**

**Chapter Uno: Who's Bob?**

Yuuki carefully opened the door. She was afraid that Zero would be in one of those "times of the month." She noticed that it happened around the 15th of the month and ended around the 20th. It was the 16th. That made her wonder if Zero really was a guy. She saw Zero wearing a pink frilly apron and he was peeking into the oven.

" Zero?" "Can I talk to you?" Yuuki said as she carefully entered the room that smelt like burnt cookies and peppermints.

"Yea. I guess." Said Zero.

"I think I'm going crazy.' Said Yuuki in concern.

"Why?" Zero asked.

"Because I've been hearing a voice in my head. She claims that she is this "Authoress" lady." Yuuki Replied.

"Oh! You're not going crazy! I hear voices on my head all the time!" Said Zero as if it was nothing to really worry about.

"Umm ok." Said Yuuki as she was sort of confused. "What are you baking?" She asked.

"Oh, just some Christmas coookies." Said Zero Cheerfully.

"But it's in the middle of July." Replied Yuuki.

They heard the sound of a kitchen timer going off.

"Oh lookie here, they're done!' Said Zero as he was jumping for joy.

Zero pulled some oddly shaped green blobs out of the oven. They were the source of the strange smell.

"What are those?' Said Yuuki as she pointed in fear.

Zero glanced at the green blobs.

"DAMNIT! CURSE YOU BOB! I KNEW THAT DENTAL FLOSS AND RED FOOD COLORING WASN'T IN THE RECIPIE!" Shouted in anger.

"Who's Bob?" Said Yuuki.

"Just that guy over there." Said Zero.

Yuuki looked where Zero pointed but she saw no one.

"There's nobody over there." Said Yuuki as she rubbed her eyes to make sure they were working.

" Well then, shall we continue?" Zero said cheerfully.

"With what?" Yuuki asked.

"Eating the cookies!" Shouted Zero as if he was really, really exited.

Yuuki picked up a cookie and began to eat it. Everything went black. The next time she saw the sun was in the hospital.


	2. Kaname the Wrist Cutter

**A/n**

**Authoress: Bwhahaha!**

**Zero: Umm...**

**Authoress: I have 2 comments on chapter 1 now! Bwhahaha!**

**Yuuki: WTF Authoress?**

**Authoress: Right now, I'm bored and hyper enough to make another chapter!**

**Kaname: Explosive Dynomite (Yes I spell it that way) does not own Vampire Knight. Matsuri Hino does.**

**Authoress: Shut Up Kaname! No one likes you!**

**Kaname: I guess I should go emo then. T_T**

**Chapter Dua: Kaname the Wrist Cutter**

Yuuki opened her eyes. She realised where she was: the school hospital. She looked around the room and saw Kaname siting in a bloody mess. Yuuki sat up and glared at Kaname.

"Kaname sempai, what the?" Yuuki said

Kaname looked up at Yuuki. Yuuki saw that Kaname had an anti-vampire knife and was cutting himself.

"Kaname sempai, are you emo?" Asked Yuuki.

"I thought you were dead so I decided that I should die too." Said Kaname emotionless as if he was reciting a very, very sad poem.

"I just had food poisoning. It's no like I'm dieing here!" Said Yuuki.

"Everyone is dieing somehow Yuuki" Said Kaname.

"Ok then....Well, I'm off to class!" Said Yuuki cheerfully as always.

Yuuki got up, waved goodbye at Kaname, and headed off to shop class. When she entered the room, everyone was making a bird house. Everyone accept Zero. He was building a red and yellow robotic suit. To make it even worse, he was humming the tune to Iron Man.

"Umm...What are you building Zero?' Said Yuuki as she approched Zero.

"An Iron Man suit!' Said Zero like he was 5 years old.

"And who told you to make this?" Yuuki asked.

"The Authoress." Said Zero.

Yuuki looked where Zero had pointed and this time there was really someone there. A brown haired girl with greenish-bluish-grayish eyes. The girl was writing things on a piece of paper. Yuuki went over to the girl and peeked at what she was writing. Yuuki gasped. Everything that was on that piece of paper had happened that day.

"ZOOOOOOOOMMMM!" Shouted Zero hyperly as he flew across the room in his Iron Man suit.

Yuuki looked at what she was writing again and blushed 100 different shades of red. She had wrote: Zero approached Yuuki. Then he leaned in to kiss her.

"Ehh!?" Shouted Yuuki.

Zero approached Yuuki. Then he leaned in to kiss her.

**End Chapter Dua**

**Authoress: So people, how'd ya' liike that chappie?**

**Zero: Wait a minute! You're gonna make me kiss Yuuki?!**

**Authoress: Yep.**

**Yuuki: Explosive Dynomite needs at least 4 comments to continue the story. **

**Authoress: Have fun commenting!  
**


	3. Rima the Magical Vampire Tree Slug

**Authoress: HOLY FREAKIN CRAP!**

**Yuuki: What's the matter?**

**Authoress: TOO MANY REVIEWS!!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE WAITED SO LONG TO DO THE THIRD CHAPTER!**

**Yuuki: Oh. Well then...**

**Kaname: DISCLAIMER TIME!!**

**Zero: *Tackles Kaname* NEVER!! THE DISCLAIMER IS MINE PUREBLOOD! **

**Kaname: Explo...  
**

**Zero: EXPLOSIVE DYNOMITE DOES NOT OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT. IF SHE DID, KANAME WOULD BE GAY.**

**Kaname: How'd you know?!?  
**

**Chappieta Tree**

Zero leaned tword Yuuki, and kissed her. Yuuki blushed. Then out of all things, Kaname walked in.

"WHAT THE HELL YUUKI? WHY ARE YOU KISSING KIYRUU ZERO?" Shouted Kaname.

"K-K-Kaname Sempai! Umm... It's not what it looks like!!" Said Yuuki.

"KIYRUU ZERO! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SUMO WRESTLING MATCH ON TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!"Exclaimed Kaname.

"Huh? What happened? Wrestling match? Empire State Building? Yuuki? Kaname? I DON'T KNOW THESE THINGS!" Said Zero about to go insane.

***Two days later***

Zero, Yuuki, Kaname and the whole entire student body were somehow, all on top of the Empire State Building. Zero and Kaname were in fat suits and little bitty thongs and had their hair tied up sumo style. They looked rediculos. Yuuki approached Zero, inside of the sumo ring of doom.

"Good luck Zero." Whispered Yuuki to Zero.

"3..2..1...START YOUR ENGINES!" Shouted the Chairman.

The sumo wrestling watch of doom had begun.

**WARNING THE UPCOMING SEQUENCE WAS LABELED TO GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING, SO IT WAS DELETED BY THE EDITORS OF VAMPIRES ARE MY PUPPETS FOR THE READERS SAKE.**

"DING DING DING!" the bell had Kaname was on the ground, spread eagle style. The Chairman went up to Zero and lifted up Zero"s hand.

"We have a winner!" The Chairman Exclaimed.

Kaname slowly got up. his face was all bloody from being punched in. Yuuki ran up to Kaname.

"Kaname Sempai! Are you okay?' Yuuki said in concern.

"I'll be fine as long as I have you Yuuki." Kaname said.

Yuuki blushed. Zero was so shocked about everything that he threw himself off of the Empire State Building.

"ZERO!" Yuuki screamed.

"Oh don't worry Yuuki it's **ONLY **Zero." Kaname said very gayishly.

"**ONLY** Zero?" Yuuki said as her eye started to twich. "HE JUST JUMPED OFF OF THE FREAKIN BUILDING!" Yuuki yelled at the top of her lungs.

Luckily, the sumo suit provided enough cushioning for Zero to not break any bones.

***The Next Day at the Moon Dorm***

"NO IT'S MY COOKIE!'

"NO, IT'S MY COOKIE AIDO!"

"I SAW THE DANG COOKIE FIRST KANAME!"

"WELL...Well...well...Aww I got nothin." Said Kaname.

"YOUR MAMA!" Shouted Aido.

"BOI WAT JU SAY 'BOUT MY MAMA FOOL?!" Said Kaname getting all up in Aido's face.

"Tinky Winky! La La! Dipsy! POE."Said Kain walking past the two.

"Oh yippe. Telletubbies." Said Aido.

"Like I know! Wouldn't it be awesome to have a tv on your tummy? You could see what you've eaten!" Said Kain all prep-ish.

"I don't think you'd want to know what iv'e eaten." Said Kaname.

The bell rang for them to og to class. As usual the gate opened all the girls went "AIEEE!" and the Gardians had to protect the Night Class students from their rabid fan girls and blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden...

"RUKIA! GIVE ME A BEAT! Shouted Aido.

Rima started beat-boxing.

"Boom a phitt a boom boom a phitt a boom a phitt a boom boom wiki wiki." Beat-boxed Rukia.

Aido put on a baseball cap sideways, got on the ground an started break-dancing. Meanwhile, most people were staring at Rima as she was slithering up trees and gnawing on the leaves.

"Look! Its Rima the magical vampire tree slug!" Shouted an unknown student.

***Later at the Sun Dorm***

"Zero, why'd you kiss me?" Asked Yuuki.

"Because I lov-" Zero began to say but was interruped by a loud ding.

"Oh lookie! The cookies are done!" Shouted Zero.

Yuuki slapped her forehead.

**Authoress: Hoped you liked my new chappieta! Please review! I need 6 reviews to continue! Comment! Comment! Comment!**


	4. If Aido Only Had a Brain

**Zero: ** **Somebody once told me the world was macaroni so I took a bite out of a tree.**

**Kaname: ** **Well, it tasted kinda funny so I spit at a monkey and the monkey started cussing at me.**

**Headmaster Cross: ** **It said bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep ****bleep.**

**Authoress: Arrgh! STOP SINGING U FOOLS! YOUR MAKING MY EARS BLEED!**

**Yuuki: Explosive Dynomite does not own Vampire Knight. She only wishes she did.**

**Authoress:!?!**

**Chapter 4 If Aido Only Has A Brain...**

"Duhrrr Hurr Ahuhuh Wee! I'm a pretty pony!" Exclaimed Aido extremely retard-ishly.

"What the heck is wrong with you Aido?" Questioned Kain.

"Oh, he's been like that ever since he poked himself in the brain with a Q-tip." Said Rima as emotionlessly as always.

"Gawd. Can't he be just a little not idiotic sometimes?!" Said Kain as he slapped himself on the forehead.

"He he ha ha ahoo phht." Said Aido as he flailed his arms around like an idiot.

Meanwhile in the Sun Dorm

"Darth Kiyru, only you could be so bold! The imperial senate will not stand still when the hear you've attacked a.." lectured Princess Yuuki.

"Don't act so surprised Yuuki, you weren't an any mercy mission. Several transmissions were beamed from this ship by rebel spies," interrupted Darth Kiyru.

"We are on a diplomatic mission to Alderan!" exclaimed Princess Yuuki.

"YOU ARE PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AN A TRAITOR! TAKE HER AWAY!" Shouted Darth Kiyru he motioned for the Stormtroopers to come take Yuuki to her new prison cell.

"Don't worry 'bout a ting because every little ting is gonna be alright!" Sang Shiki Marley as he walked into the spaceship with dreadlocks and a Jamaican accent.

"Gasp! It's Shiki Marley! OMG! I am like your #1 fan!! OMG!" Exclaimed Stormtrooper Yori.

"I sense a disturbance in the force!" Said Darth Kiyru. "I...I believe it is Obi Wan Kaname."

"Like, OMG, Darth Kiriyu, those jeans make your ass look HUGE!" Said Obi Wan Kaname as he apppeared out of nowhere.

"Yeah, well, that shirt, like, totally makes you look like a girl! And I'm not even wearing jeans fool!" shouted Darth Kiyru. "That's, like, the idea. Fool!" roasted Obi Wan Kaname. "

This popcorn needs butter..." said Princess Yuuki awkwardly.

"BURN!" shouted Darth Kiyru.

Then, they all started to angrily pointing at each other.

**Aurhoress: Yay! I finished chapter 4! Now, I was very exited to put Star Wars in my fanfic. You all probbaly don't know but, I am a Star Wars junkie. I've probally watched each movie about 50 times or so, and that was just this year! Uh, well I don't need a certian amount of comments to continue, I'll just start chapter 5 when I feel like I have enough stuff for chapter 5. Have fun doing uhh... whatever you do.**


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